


and I wonder if I ever cross your mind (for me it happens all the time)

by moonmotels



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse, American Horror Story: Coven
Genre: Enjoy!, F/F, there's ummm a lot of angst, you'll be fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-19 08:02:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19970707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonmotels/pseuds/moonmotels
Summary: remember on grey's when arizona came home from africa and callie slammed the door in her face? it's like that.





	and I wonder if I ever cross your mind (for me it happens all the time)

**Author's Note:**

> She was like an Aenea, who had gone down to the underworld, seen the dead, and returned.  
> W e e p i n g on the inside.

  
The pale arms wrapped around Cordelia Goode’s thin frame felt wrong.

So, so _wrong_.

Battling with herself to cherish that extra sweet second of sleep, Cordelia gave up and blinked her eyes open slowly, immediately flinging them shut when the light cascading from her window shined too bright in her irises. So as to not disturb the blonde in her bed, she carelessly flicked one finger to draw the curtains shut tight without moving another muscle. Unfortunately, the ploy to close her eyes again was derailed when she heard a raspy, “Good morning, sexy.”

 _Fuck_. The voice sounded too light; not deep enough, accent not profound. The hair tickling the inside of her elbow too soft and shiny.

Even so, she managed to swallow the bile rising in her throat and reply, “Good morning.”

“Last night was really fun,” the younger woman murmured, scratching her manicured nails lightly at the column of Cordelia’s throat.

The supreme rolled her eyes to the ceiling and whispered a silent prayer that the girl would magically say, “hey, thanks, see you never!” and fuck off back to wherever she lived. The woman wrapped up next to her had other plans.

“What’s a girl gotta do around here to get some breakfast?” She had abandoned touching Cordelia all together when none of the caresses were reciprocated. Noticing this, she commented, “Not a morning person, are ya?”

Cordelia winced. “I would make you breakfast but I have girls that live here and they- don’t need to know the extent of my proclivities. I’d hope you understand.”

“Yeah, you mentioned that sometime last night after our third or fourth drink.” She (Caroline? Carrie, definitely Carrie) took a moment to stretch, slinging her arm back over Cordelia’s waist. “But I can think of something else I’d love to eat.” Hazel colored eyes stared up at the older woman, eyelashes batting and wry grin turning at the edges of her pink lips. She toyed with the hem of Cordelia’s pajama pants, managing to sneak a hand in before it was halted.

Wordlessly, Cordelia extracted from the embrace and flipped her over and face down into the mattress. With quick movements, she had the woman underneath writhing and moaning as two fingers were quickly slipped inside warm, wet heat.

After Cordelia breezily finger fucked and held Carrie down through an orgasm, she collapsed on her side of the bed; spent and already regretting all of her most recent choices. Fiona must be so proud.

“You’re not much of a talker.”

It wasn’t phrased as a question, but Cordelia still held back a grimace. “I’m a little hungover, please forgive me.”

Now in her second year of supremacy, one would think Cordelia had learned that even after drinking three (four?) glasses of wine and several other cocktails, she still wasn’t immune to hangovers. One of the few downfalls of having tendrils of power at the mere flick of a finger, she supposed.

Thinking back on it, last night hadn’t been some huge culmination of all her anger and sadness leaking out of her chest cavity. Not in the slightest. Cordelia had almost grown accustomed to picking up women at bars by now. Women that vaguely resemble Misty Day after several drinks, of course. It’d been well over six months by now since Misty had uprooted her few belongings and left behind the giant gaping hole in Cordelia’s chest that had been rotting ever since. It’s almost as if Misty had plucked Cordelia’s heart from her rib cage and stuffed it into her suitcase along with everything else.

**  
_six months prior_

The sound of the closet door slamming reverberated throughout Cordelia’s entire body as she sat rigidly on the edge of her bed. The finality in which it had been shut only meant one thing, that it was over. That Misty was done packing her meager collection of trinkets and was momentarily going to be out of the door, effectively Cordelia’s life.

“You really have nothing to say to me? You’re gonna let it end like this?”

“There’s nothing to say, you’ve made the choice to leave. Who am I to stop you?” That was a lie. Cordelia could think of several dozen things to say, some angry, some sad, some fueled by the love in her heart that could start world wars.

“Delia,” Misty said gently, “They need me. I can practically hear their lil souls calling out to me.”

Cordelia nearly split her bottom lip in half when she bit down to stop from asking, _what about my soul calling out to you?_

Nearly eight months after Misty had been dropped off back at home so effortlessly, she was antsy. Itching to do something with all this pent up _energy_ flowing through her reinvigorated soul. Cordelia patched her up as best she could with touches and moments so intimate it made them both cry under the softness of it all, but it wasn’t enough. So after a small animal shelter in South America contacted Cordelia after seeing her on the news, Misty jumped at the first chance she got. The shelter had sent a desperate plea for a set of hands, _magical_ ones, that could lend some help with endangered species dwelling along a stretch of the Amazon River. Once the younger witch realized how dire the situation was, her mind was made up. This is where she was needed.

And Cordelia would have tried to be fine with it, but she couldn’t. It felt rushed. It felt as though Misty had walked through the academy doors just yesterday. Cordelia wasn’t trying to be selfish, she was trying to be rational. Misty had healing to do; goals to achieve, but here she was with bags packed and a car waiting for her outside. The supreme sat tensely on the edge of her bed, watching the scene unfold with tired brown eyes. The broken connection she felt in the moment had been due to a lot of things. The unforeseen circumstances of Misty leaving her home; leaving _Cordelia_ had been the main one, but there were so many that tugged at her heartstrings and begged for a chance to be spoken out loud. Too bad Cordelia could barely bring herself to breathe.

When her name was softly called, she stubbornly refused to look over at the most personal extension of her heart. Again, it was repeated until she finally glanced over to where Misty stood in the doorway, a solemn look on her face and heart in pieces on the floor between them.

“I love you, and you know that.”

It seemed, at the time, that this thing between them had ended before it ever really began. In the beginning, it was always the two of them together, free of labels or any other useless term that couldn’t begin to fathom the type of intimacy that conjoined their souls. And now, sitting here in the early morning light, Cordelia was about to be alone again. Like she always had been.

Cordelia couldn’t bring herself to conjugate a response, letting Misty turn and walk out the door.

**

The person next to her filling Misty’s side of the bed had been the perfect idealistic choice. Blonde and cute, but not in the stunning, _you take my breath away_ cute that Misty was. She had been all but a prude, sliding up next to Cordelia at the bar after a beat of prolonged eye contact across the room.

Both women of few words, the two were, for lack of better terms, fucking it out within the hour.

But now, in the morning light, everything about her bed mate was so off. The hair wasn’t the right shade of blonde, her eyes dark instead of bright, voice rough around the edges and not soothing like Misty’s was. It made Cordelia hurt all over.

“I guess I’ll head out, then,” Carrie whispered. “Can I see you again?”

“Of course.” The ease in which the lie slipped from her lips made Cordelia proud of herself. “I’ll see you out.” With as much grace as she could muster, she got out of bed and dressed haphazardly. When she fumbled blindly for something to wear, the irony of pulling out one of Misty's old t-shirts wasn’t lost on her.

Downstairs, Cordelia thanked all her lucky stars that her girls were still sleeping peacefully in their rooms, unaware of last night’s mistake lingering in the foyer. Carrie stopped halfway out of the door and turned, cupping Cordelia’s flaming hot cheek.

“Call me when you get over whomever you’re trying to, alright? You’re too pretty to be dwelling over someone that doesn’t deserve you.”

 _Wrong_. “It’s me that doesn’t deserve her, but I will call you, okay?” They both knew it was a lie. Carrie bid her a swift goodbye with a lingering kiss and climbed into her Uber.

Despite it being well before nine in the morning, Cordelia wasn’t surprised to hear heels clicking down her grand staircase. Steeling herself, she turned and brushed past Madison, who was all dolled up like she was going to the club before noon on a Saturday.

Unfortunately, Madison had caught a glimpse of Cordelia’s late night visitor leaving. She followed Cordelia into the kitchen, flinging the fridge door open with her finger and checking the contents as if she wasn’t just going to eat an apple and call it a day. The supreme reached around and pulled out the butter and a jar of homemade jam that Misty had made specifically for her before leaving. Her heartbeat pounded in her throat seeing Misty’s distinct scrawl labeled on the side.

This is what Cordelia had been reduced to, feeling a pang of sadness because of some fucking jam?

Madison was silent for a moment, surveying Cordelia make her toast before finally quipping, “That’s the third hot blonde this month, Cordy. Maybe after the next three you’ll finally get over swampy.”

“Madison, if you could refrain from placing yourself in my business, it would be highly appreciated.”

“You make this our business,” Madison sneered as she leaned over the counter, “When you’re up all night bringing home Misty Day wannabes and then crying over the swamp bitch when they leave in the morning, just like you were when she left you the first time.“

Cordelia’s anger began to radiate off her in waves; rattling the ancient fine china in her cabinets, levitating the kitchen table inches off the ground and slamming it back down. Madison let out a tiny yelp when her black coffee splashed up and stained her white two piece outfit. “You fucking _bitch_ ,” she shrieked, “It’s not our fault you can’t get over swampy.”

Coco and Zoe had come down for breakfast at some point, eyes wide as they stood shocked in the doorway.

“What the fuck is happening?” Zoe visibly gulped.

Madison whipped her head around. “I was just having a conversation with Miss Supreme over here and her powers went berserk on me for bringing up the swamp rat.”

“Is that true?” Coco glanced at Cordelia.

“Apparently my emotions now manifest themselves in tangible ways,” was the only explanation she offered.

“Whatever,” Madison scoffed, “I wasn’t hungry anyway.” She pushed her chair out and stormed from the room, followed closely behind by Zoe like a puppy following their owner.

Cordelia smoothed the nonexistent wrinkles from her shirt as she tensely sat at the kitchen island. Embarrassed and still nursing her hangover, she waited as Coco brewed her cup of coffee and poured milk until the drink was white and not black. “Cords, you doing okay?”

“I’m fine,” came the automatic reply. What a funny phrase. Cordelia was fine in most aspects. She was fine with monotonous paperwork and raising fifteen girls as if they were her own, because she knew that she was the best goddamn Supreme this coven had seen in a hundred years. What she wasn’t fine with was waking up next to blondes that couldn’t compare to Misty in the daytime, or even worse, waking up alone.

“Yeah,” Coco raised her eyebrow, “About that.”

The older blonde barely concealed her eye roll. “Coco,” Cordelia replied apathetically, “I am fine. Misty chose to leave us for the sake of the greater good.”

“And what about your greater good? Everyone knows y’all are meant to be or whatever.”

Cordelia took a sip of her coffee, dwelling on the weight of Coco’s words. Deep down, somewhere in the depths of her soul, she did know that Misty and her belonged together. What a shame Misty had left Cordelia high and dry before they could begin their lives as a pair. In the blink of an eye, she was gone from Cordelia’s life. Just like her father. Just like her mother. Just like Hank. There seemed to be a pattern here.

“What Misty is determined to do, she’ll do. There was no use trying to stop her. I’m _fine_ , so are you done or is something else bothering you?” The way she said it made Coco bristle.

“Look, babe, I’m not saying you’re being a shit leader or neglecting any pressing issues here. Everyone knows you’re the best leader this place has seen in probably ever, so don’t pull that shit with me. I’m only asking because I love you.”

That softened Cordelia up. Bowing her head into her still steaming mug, she heaved out a sigh. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I’m just so _tired_. Tired of hearing her voice in my mind and remembering the way she laughed and did the simplest things. It hurts so much.” Her voice got thin near the end, and Cordelia told herself that crying before she even finished her coffee would be a disgrace.

The woman across from her was silently shifting the gears of her mind, and for that Cordelia was thankful. Admitting her most personal feelings was not her strong suit, so allowing Coco to hear what had been going through her mind felt like a blessing. “Cords, don’t you think that if you miss her this badly you should call her? Or email her, shit, I dunno, do they even have wifi in South America?”

Cordelia choked out a bubble of laughter. “I don’t even know. Misty sent me a letter in the beginning but I couldn’t bring myself to open it, let alone reply. She probably wouldn’t be too keen on hearing from me after all these months, you know?”

Coco clicked her tongue. “I think you’re being a little bitch about it, but yeah, I guess.”

Despite how infuriatingly upset she was about the entire situation, Coco somehow always made Cordelia laugh and feel just the slightest bit better. Swiping the lone tear from her eye she nodded, “I guess I am. Not much I can do about it now.”

“Well I know what we can do today, just the two of us. Go get dressed.”

“I have paperwork,” Cordelia said lamely, fixing Coco with a blank stare.

“You always have paperwork. Can’t you just use a spell to finish it all or some shit? Like what’s the point of being the most powerful witch if you can’t use magic for fun stuff.”

“It’s probably against the rules.”

“Something tells me you weren’t popular in high school.”

Twenty five minutes and some endless bickering later, Coco had convinced Cordelia to take the day off and relax with her. The supreme wasn’t quite sure what Coco’s day of relaxation entailed, but after three aspirin and another cup of coffee, she was dressed. After checking and double checking with Zoe and Queenie that they could hold down the fort, she met Coco down in the living room and vaguely gestured towards herself. “I’m ready, I suppose.”

“That’s your idea of dressing down?”

Cordelia glanced down at her button up shirt and black cigarette style pants. “I got this on the sale rack,” she replied listlessly, “It’s the closest thing I have to ‘comfortable’ clothing.”

“Whatever, get your ass in the car. Stacy is waiting for us.”

“Stacy? Who is Sta-”

Coco cut her off. “Stacy Garber? As in owner of Garber Spa, the most exclusive place in all of New Orleans? I called in like eighty favors for you, Jesus. At least pretend to know her when we get there.”

As promised, Cordelia graciously greeted Ms. Garber when Coco swatted her on the ass as they entered the spa doors. Stacy Garber was an older woman with fine lines and hippie attire, not someone Cordelia would peg for owning a spa that boasted $1100 facials.

“Coco, my sweet angel, I’ve missed you so,” Stacy air kissed her cheeks and grasped her hand. “You haven’t had an appointment in months, so when I saw you called earlier I just _had_ to cancel the non-regulars. They can go to the spa down the street for all I care.”

“Stace,” Coco smiled, “This is my best friend Cordelia. She’s in need of some serious detox.”

“Break up? Job troubles? Your regular ol’ stress?” Stacy cocked her head to the side, giving Cordelia a once over. “She’s stunning, Co.”

Cordelia blushed. “A combination of all three?”

“I know just the thing.”

She led Coco and Cordelia into the back where two reclining chairs were placed side by side. Coco nudged Cordelia with her elbow, laughing, “We must have gotten the couples package.” After sitting and waving goodbye to Stacy, another woman came in, this one much younger and brunette. _Thank God_ , Cordelia couldn’t handle another cute blonde.

Once the girl introduced herself and the products she’d be using, she quietly applied the facials and slipped out the door to give them a little privacy. Everything was quiet for a moment as Cordelia allowed herself to relax in the chair for the first time in what felt like years. The face mask felt invigorating, the temperature in the room the perfect degree, even Coco was silent for once in her life.

Cordelia shut her eyes and nearly sighed in relief at how much better she felt already when she heard a loud _crunch_. Snapping her eyes open, she looked over to find Coco munching happily on the bowl of chilled cucumber slices set out on the tray next to her. “Co,” she hissed, “Those are for our eyes.”

With the bite of cucumber in her mouth, Coco let out an exasperated sigh. “There’s like, fifty slices in here. If they didn’t want me to eat them it wouldn’t be here.”

“Toss me one.”

Fifteen minutes later and half the bowl of cucumber slices later, the young girl was back to peel their face masks off and usher them into another room. Turning the corner, Cordelia did a double take. In the room were two large tubs filled mid-way with mud. Their next conquest was-

“A mud bath? I am not getting in that tub.”

Coco was already stripped half-naked down to her designer undergarments. “Um? Yeah you are. Get undressed.”

From behind them, their attendant peeped up, “There’s towels if you’re unwilling to fully undress.”

“See?” Coco shot Cordelia a look of disdain. Huffing, the older of two began stripping her outfit until she was ready to get in the tub.

Holding the towel close, Cordelia tentatively dipped her toe in the mud. It did feel nice, she begrudgingly admitted to herself. Coco had already sunk into the tub neck deep, sighing in extreme contentment. “Are you going to get in or stand there all day?”

Tying her hair back, Cordelia stood; then sat into the tub, feeling the mud cover up her shoulders. And it felt- _good_? Not exactly what she would have expected from a bathtub filled with mud. She guessed the “healing properties and minerals sourced from Sicilian volcanic ash” had something to do with it. Before she could stop herself, she spilled, “Misty would love this.” Recognizing her mistake, she immediately screwed her eyes shut and hoped valiantly that Coco had lost her hearing within the last thirty seconds.

Unfortunately, she hadn’t.

“I think she would, too. Funny that you mention her, because since we’re here I figured we could have a little therapy session.”

“You chose this so I couldn’t just walk away from you, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did. So start whenever, I’m all ears.”

Cordelia sighed. “There’s nowhere to start, I have nothing to say.”

Coco made an aggravated noise, sounding like she didn’t believe a word that came out of her mouth. “Kinda feels like you do, but okay. I’ll ask what I wanna know.”

“By all means.”

“So tell me, did y’all ever fuck or was it just lovey dovey bullshit 24/7?”

“Coco,” she warned.

“God, okay _sorry_ , did you guys ever ‘ _make love_ ’.” She exaggerated air quotes around the question.

Giving herself a miniature pep talk, Cordelia accepted that Coco would keep her here well into tomorrow if she didn’t start talking. So with that, she replied, “Yes, we did- ‘fuck’.” There wasn’t exactly a word in the human language to describe the things Misty did to her in bed, but even if there was, none of them could do it any justice.

Misty had made Cordelia’s body sing with hymns long forgotten and destroyed, kissed her with the ferocity of a pack of lions that had been starved for years, slid those long fingers inside and crooked in all the right places to reduce her to a quivering mess within seconds-

Cordelia wasn’t sure saying they “fucked,” or “made love” could even begin to remotely cover what they did.

Cutting into her thought process, Coco made a pleased hum. “Thanks for answering. Tell me about how you met. God, I wished I’d been there. Zoe told me it was love at first sight, you know? Like in the movies.”

Even with the pain that Cordelia carried around in her heart, talking about Misty made her hurt a little less, feel a little less rough around the edges. It was like Misty’s rays of love could overpower every negative or bad emotion Cordelia felt about the entire situation. She would hate it, if it wasn’t the only thing she could grasp onto at night to be feel just the slightest bit better.

“She came to the academy seeking shelter one night from witch hunters, and from there I took her under my wing. We did everything together; cooked, tended to our plants, made potions using the herbs we grew. It was so natural for us to spend all this time together that we ended up, you know-”

“Fucking,” Coco supplied.

“I- yeah. Right before the seven wonders. And then I lost her, you know. I never stopped looking. I spent all my free time reading and researching ways to bring her home and it didn’t work. Nothing worked.” Cordelia paused to hitch a deep breath and wish desperately that her tears wouldn’t fall. “And you know the rest, Nan dropped her off at our doorstep and that’s where she was until she decided an animal shelter in South America needed her more than I did.”

Cordelia knew she sounded bitter, but there was no use trying to hide it when Coco could see right through her thinly veiled curtain. The supreme almost felt numb with relief speaking all of this out loud, because the emotion had coiled itself so tightly in her body that one wrong move would have made her explode.

“And you loved her.” Coco didn’t phrase it as a question, rather a declaration of something Cordelia couldn’t bring herself to admit, let alone tell anyone else.

Keeping her eyes shut and muscles tense, Cordelia admitted, “Yes, I did love her. I do,” she corrected. “I’ve been in love with her since the first second we met.”

“But you never told her?”

“I never got the chance to. The first time she was ripped from arms and spent all that time in that wretched place, and now this time she’s halfway across the world.”

Coco let out a low whistle. “ _Jesus_ , that was more dramatic than I expected. No wonder you bring home blondes that look like her.”

“So you’ve seen them?” She cringed inwardly.

“Oh no, babe. You’re very stealth at getting them out the door in the morning,” she laughed. “Madison told Zoe and she told Queenie so naturally I was next. I thought we were close enough that I could hear it from you firsthand, but I digress.”

Cordelia didn’t know why she felt the need to apologize, but she did anyway. “The women I bring home are nothing more than a distraction for my own physical needs. It doesn’t mean anything, or else I would have told you.”

“But they’re all blonde.”

“And? So are you,” Cordelia shot back.

“Yeah, but you don’t want to fuck me because we know each other too well,” Coco dodged the malice in her tone.

That earned her a soft snort. “I suppose you’re right about that. No offense.”

“None taken.” Coco easily switched the subject back to Misty. “She loves you, you know. Everyone can tell.”

Cordelia squirmed. The mud was starting to feel constricting around her, like there was nowhere to go but further down into the drain. “If she loved me as much as everyone thinks then why did she leave me?”

“I’m sure she had her reasons.”

“Well whatever they are, I’m not sure they make any sense to me. It really hurt me, when she left.”

Coco sensed the conversation was going into uncharted territory and quickly lightened the mood by slinging mud at Cordelia until the supreme caved in and retaliated. By the time the spa’s attendant came down the hall to move them onto their massages, Cordelia had all of three seconds to snap her fingers and clear the mud from where it had been flung on the ceiling and walls.

After a shower, they were being ushered into the next room for all of Cordelia’s stress to be massaged out of her body. An hour later, her and Coco were back up front to bid goodbye to Stacy. “Coco, darling, if you wait another two months to come see me I might actually die,” Stacy chastised. “And bring your beautiful friend with you, yeah?”

“Wouldn’t dream of coming without her,” Coco replied. “I’ll see you soon, babe.”

Waving goodbye, Cordelia followed Coco’s footsteps out the door and was surprised to see their spa day had bled into the night. It was nearly dark out, which made Cordelia check her phone for the first time in hours. She answered Zoe’s text that asked if pizza was okay to order for the girls before turning to Coco. “Co, I had a really nice day with you. Thank you for looking out for me, I do appreciate it.”

“I know, I’m the best.” She dramatically flipped her hair over her shoulder as if burdened by her efforts. “But you can’t get rid of me that quickly, I’m fucking starving for some chinese alright?”

“Yeah,” Cordelia laughed, “Alright.”

Once the two stuffed their faces with enough chinese food to feed an entire colony, Coco was navigating them back home. This had been the best day Cordelia had had in recent history, and she told Coco so by gushing on and on about how much lighter and better she felt.

As she stood unlocking the door, Cordelia had turned to continue talking to Coco when a wave of magical energy smacked her in the face. Going pale, she trembled violently as she tentatively stepped inside.

From behind her, Coco nervously asked, “Cords?”

“She’s here.”

“Who? What are you-“

A figure stepped into their line of vision from where she had been seated on the sofa in the living room.

“Misty.”

Their visitor nervously wrung her hands. “Hi, Cordelia.”

Cordelia heard a whispered, “ _oh, shit_ ” from somewhere behind her.

Zoe and Queenie came rushing down the hallway at the sound of the door opening, yelling, “Cordelia, _wait_ , Misty’s-“ they both skidded in their tracks when they saw their supreme was already well aware of their visitor.

“Oh _fuck_. Hey, Cordy,” Queenie anxiously tried to break the tension.

From where she had frozen in place in the foyer, eyes locked with baby blues, Cordelia finally turned her head to look at Queenie. “Did you two know about this?” Her voice was flat and cold, making them each take a step back.

Zoe piped up, “No, Misty said she-“ Before she could finish her sentence, Cordelia blinked and transmuted herself into her locked room.

Down in the corridor where magical energy was flowing rapidly in the air, Misty nearly burst into tears. “Sorry, you guys. I don’t know what I expected just showin’ up here,” she wrapped her arms around her chest.

“Hey babe, come ‘ere.” Coco opened her arms up and pulled Misty into a warm hug, stroking her back with gentle caresses. “It’s okay. She was probably just surprised.”

“She’s still mad at me for leaving, isn’t she?”

Queenie and Zoe both quickly replied ‘no’ and Coco shot them an annoyed look. “Don’t lie to her.”

“Well she’s-“ Zoe paused, “kind of getting over it?”

Needing a precise response, Misty questioned, “The hell does that mean?”

Coco huffed angrily at her two friends that looked like deer caught in headlights. “It means she’s definitely still upset about the entire situation and not handling herself well.”

Misty nodded, puffing her cheeks out. “Y’all think I should go talk to her anyway?”

All three nodded in unison. “She might be open to listening to you,” Zoe offered.

Queenie clapped Misty on the shoulder. “We missed you, swampy. Go get’cha girl.”

The young blonde trudged slowly up the stairs, feeling the dread sink into her pores as if it had been there all this time and was now bursting at the seams to make itself known. Cordelia’s bedroom door was shut, but when Misty placed a palm there, it vibrated with untapped emotion. She could feel Cordelia’s anger and sadness radiating through the door and into her body. She knocked twice, just loud enough so that Misty knew she heard it.

The door remained closed.

Misty knocked again, this time adding Cordelia’s name in the mix.

When Cordelia failed to answer the second time, Misty used her magic to unlock the door and step inside the room. There on the bed, eyes rimmed red from crying and a blanket over her shoulders, sat the love of her life.

“Delia.”

The older of the two looked up into bright eyes, a thousand different emotions flashing across her face. Misty watched as Cordelia steeled herself and put on a brave face that masked all her greatest fears. Misty knew that face. She’d _seen_ that face dozens of times when Cordelia had been in the midst of danger. And now here she was, giving the same look to Misty.

“Just dropping by to say hello before flying off to another third world country? Which is it this time, some place in Africa?”

“What the fuck is your problem? I woulda thought you’d at least be a little excited to see me.”

“Why would I be excited to see someone who’s probably going to be gone in the morning?” Cordelia could feel herself dangling on the edge of a cliff, and if Misty didn’t want to see what lay at the bottom, she should probably consider backing off right about now.

“Cordelia, y’know damn well why I came back.”

The supreme laughed incredulously. “I don’t, actually. I’ve been trying to move on, so if you don’t mind.” She gestured towards the door. Misty stepped back to slam it closed, then scooted closer to stand in the middle of the room.

“Queenie and Zoe are worried about you, ya know. Even Hollywood said she was gettin’ concerned.”

“So you’ve been keeping tabs on me? They didn’t keep you busy in South America? Please, Misty. I’m very tired.”

“Okay,” Misty looked around until her gaze landed on her old shirt that Cordelia had worn that morning. “Then we can go to bed.” She shrugged her shawl and dress off, unashamed of her naked form even after all this tension covered them like a blanket. Cordelia couldn’t tell if it helped or made things worse. Once the shirt was covering her torso and her lower half was left clad in underwear, Misty crawled into the bed next to her.

Cordelia didn’t have any time to react, bewildered and almost too tired to put up a fight. Almost. “Is there a reason you’re in my bed?”

The younger of the two looked hurt, and Cordelia felt a pang of self hatred bubble up. Even so, Misty held her ground. “Quit your shit, we both know that I belong right ‘ere.” she wrinkled her nose in disgust, “Even if it smells like cheap perfume.”

“I won’t apologize for how I chose to fill the empty space in my bed.”

At the second possessive use of the word bed, Misty went feral. “You know what, maybe I will fuck back off to South America. At least they treated me better than you are.”

Cordelia turned over on her side, away from Misty and the conversation. Under her breath she mumbled, “Go ahead, it wouldn’t be the first time you left me.”

“If you’re gonna be chattin’ it up over there, I’d prefer you say it loud enough for me to hear.”

Dramatically flopping back over to face Misty, Cordelia spit out, “I _said_ it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve left me.”

“They- they needed me. How many times do I have to tell you?” she sounded exasperated.

“ _I’m_ the one who needed you,” Cordelia maliciously replied. “You’re just like everyone else who has left me. Fiona, Hank, my God even Nan would rather belong in the underworld.”

Misty’s eyes went as wide as saucers and Cordelia could see the tears filling up inside, making her feel like she’d been cast down to the lowest level of hell. Making Misty Day cry should be at the top of the worst sins you could possibly commit.

“Why are you so fucking stubborn? It’s like you didn’t even read my letter.” Realization dawned in her eyes as Cordelia fidgeted with the hem of her silk pajama blouse. She whispered to herself, “You didn’t read it.”

“Why would I? It was just you saying goodbye. What was the point of making myself feel worse after you left?” Cordelia was growing softer by the moment, now directing the anger towards herself for making Misty feel like complete shit. “It’s been in my bedside table since it was delivered.”

“Can I read it to you?”

“I wish you wouldn’t. It’ll only make me feel bad.”

Misty ignored her and pulled the letter out anyway, facing away from Cordelia. With trembling fingers, she began reading out loud.

_Delia my love,_

_I hope this finds you well. Shit, I dunno how to start this. I was never good with words, but here goes. That afternoon Nan took my hand and guided me home, I was so scared. Even more than I had been down in my own personal Hell. I was scared for a lot of reasons, mostly all involving you. I was horrified at the idea that you may have forgotten me, or worse, moved on to the afterlife before I could get the chance to hold you one last time._

_So when I walked through those doors and the first thing I saw was your beautiful face and them perfect eyes, I coulda fell right over. Hugging you was the closest thing I’ve felt to feelin’ alive in God knows how many years. Being with you felt so safe. Meeting all your new girls and seeing how you’ve grown into your role as the supreme filled me with so much adoration and awe that I can’t even begin to describe. You’ve done so well for yourself and you should be proud. I know you aren’t because your cute lil head is filled with self doubt and you’re too stubborn for your own good but I’m gonna tell you anyway until I’m old and grey and blue in the face._

_The day you casually mentioned the animal shelter needing help, something in the back of my mind clicked. It sounded like just the thing I had been craving, but I was nervous to bring it up with you. Eventually, it gnawed at me until I had to say somethin’ or I woulda exploded or gone crazy. I’ll never forget the look on your face when I told ya I was leaving. I may never forgive myself._

_But what you don’t understand is that you don’t need me the way you think you do. Of course we need each other, but in ways that would transcend the burden of distance. I understand that I can’t ask you to wait for me, or continue to love me from halfway across the planet because you have duties to uphold. I took this job because I know with one hundred percent certainty that you are capable of being on your own. You don’t need me constantly in your shadow, cheering you on from the sidelines to tell you what a great job you’re doing. Because deep down, you already know._

_I realized, with more pain than you’ll ever know that I love you so much I have to let you grow on your own. You were doing fine while I was battling my own personal demons, and you’ll be fine when I’m 3,000 miles away._

_Even if I’m a million miles away, I will always be your biggest supporter, fighting for you until the time comes where God finally decides to take me off this great big earth for good. If you’ve read all of this and truly believe that you can’t live without me next to you, say the word and I’ll be home._

_Forever yours,_

_Misty._

Neither party spoke for what seemed like hours. The time stretched on until Misty finally dared to turn back around and look over at her other half. Cordelia was seated in the fetal position, rocking herself with little with movements that were meant to be soothing. Tears were streaming silently down her porcelain complexion, tugging at Misty’s heart strings. It’s awful of her to think, but Misty had never seen Cordelia look so beautiful. Positively exquisite. She’s beautiful to the naked eye in simplistic ways, like how her eyes are the perfect shade of brown and her lips are just the right amount of kissable. Everything about Cordelia just screams _perfect_ to anyone that has the privilege of looking at her, but here in this darkened room, Misty knew she’d seen a new piece of Cordelia that knocked her physical beauty out of the park. The raw emotion encased on the supreme’s exterior made Misty want to cry, scream, and shout her love from rooftops in that exact order.

Cordelia didn’t love Misty loudly or monstrously. It was a quiet love, like the pittering of rain on your roof or the way the sun softly shines its light across land in the early morning. She loved her in simplistic ways that spoke their love language and encapsulated everything they shared dear together. Discreet moments of love in the greenhouse while it thundered above them, sharing microwaved meals after three am sex when the house had stilled, _God_ even just watching black and white horror movies together had become the pathway to Cordelia falling completely and utterly in love with Misty Day. And in this very moment, they both knew it. How unfortunate it hadn’t been any sooner.

If Cordelia was the sun, Misty was the supernova in her orbit that burned just as bright. It was just close enough for her to reach out and touch, but she hadn’t yet; in fear of getting burned.

Still in the fetal position, Cordelia sniffled through her tears and angled her head so that it rested on her knees. Actively avoiding looking Misty in the eye, she asked, “You meant all that?”

“Every single word.”

“But you never said it out loud.”

Misty took a moment to gather her thoughts. “After I told you that I was leaving, everything fell apart so quickly that I didn’t have the nerve to say it to your face. So I wrote everything down and had to force myself to send it.”

“And I’ve been here alone, thinking you didn’t love me the way I needed to be loved.”

“Delia, don’t you understand? I love you so recklessly that it hurts. Leaving was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it was to help you. I’m a distraction.”

Cordelia had hoped for the ability to hold this conversation without Misty watching her produce more tears, but that was rendered impossible when she felt Misty’s eyes flicker over every inch of her face. “I don’t know what to say to you. All of this time has been spent trying to get over you.”

“But you love me,” Misty insisted, “I know you do.”

“I don’t _just_ love you, I’m in love with you. I always have been. But I don’t understand why you love me after all of this. After how I’ve just treated you. I don’t know if I’ll be able to forgive myself for hurting you.”

“Delia,” Misty grew bold and touched Cordelia for the first time in over six months. “I would love you if it was sure to kill me the day after tomorrow.”

That was Misty, always having a way with words that could reduce Cordelia to a complete puddle in twenty words or less. _God_ , she thought, _I would kill for her_. She almost wished that idea scared her.

“I was afraid you’d forgotten me easily, that’s why I never opened your letter.”

“I couldn’t forget you,” Misty replied seriously, “I remember everything. All of it.”

Cordelia shuddered once, letting the tears cloud her vision for the millionth time that evening. “I love you,” she said finally, then, “May I kiss you?”

“I was sure hopin’ you would. I didn’t fly twelve hours for nothing.”

The supreme choked on the mixture of a sob and laugh that launched itself from the back of her throat. With one arm, she reached over and tugged at Misty until their foreheads pressed against the other’s. As their noses brushed, Misty kept her eyes open so she didn’t miss one second of this fucking _wonderful_ exchange.

And then they were kissing, Misty’s eyes flying shut as lips clashed and continuous moans tumbled out. Cordelia clutched at her so hard it probably left imprints in her skin, but neither of them seemed to have any pressing issue with it. Opening her mouth wide enough for Misty to slide her tongue in, Cordelia whined and undulated her hips once, twice, then half a dozen more times. Catching the drift, Misty pushed at her until she lay on her back, reclined on the pillows and looking like a princess. With the younger witches’ lips latching on to her skin in places long untouched, Cordelia’s body ignited into flames that had lay dormant for so long.

Nobody else’s touch could ever remotely fucking compare.

Misty dipped down to capture her lips again, this time taking Cordelia’s bottom lip between teeth and tugging on it, earning her a soft moan and another buck of the hips. They spent what felt like hours in this position, Misty straddling her waist and bent over, unwilling to part mouths. It was electrifying, so stimulating that Cordelia would consider she’d been dreaming for the last forty minutes if she didn’t feel so alive.

Releasing her lips with an audible pop, Misty sat up and placed a palm on Cordelia’s stomach for stability. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she glanced down at the writhing mess under her thighs. Chuckling, she murmured, “Look at you all needy for my touch. Coulda fooled me an hour ago.”

“Misty, please.” Cordelia burst into tears, catching them both off guard. Her body trembled as she hiccuped and wailed, “I didn’t mean to treat you so poorly. I’m so sorry, I don’t know how to make it up to you.”

Misty grew quiet. For a few moments she sat still, clearly debating something. Slowly, with calculation, she pulled her rings off one by one.

“I know how you can make it up to me.”

Cordelia sniffled pitifully, “How? I’ll do anything.”

“Sit up.”

**

In this position, Cordelia found herself shaking. They’d done this before, only once. After Misty had caught Cordelia touching herself when she’d been given specific instructions to wait. A lesson had been taught, a punishment had been seen through to fit the crime. Yet somehow, this time felt much more different.

After Misty had requested for her to bend over, Cordelia took less than two seconds to scramble into her lap. Misty’s hands hadn’t stopped touching her, brushing over the smooth skin like a cartographer mapping her newest uncharted landmark. Cordelia was restless, squirming under every touch as if Misty would even consider ending her teasing. If her head was spinning before, it’s absolutely reeling now.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Cordelia knew she deserved this. Deserved to be at Misty’s mercy for however long the swamp witch decided, because Cordelia had been _awful_ to her. She almost wished Misty would punish her a little more, just so she could actively feel as though she’d been thoroughly disciplined.

“Do you want this, Delia?”

 _More than anything you’ll ever know._ She swallowed thickly. “Yes.”

“Keep count for me, alright?”

“Mhm.”

Misty slipped Cordelia’s pajama shorts and underwear down her legs, helping her kick them off. The shirt was next, tugged at until Cordelia was left bare, skin covered in goosebumps from the chill of the air conditioning. Her nipples stood at attention from something far more titillating than the temperature in the room. Misty’s fingertips were immediately back to the skin on the backs of her thighs, trailing up and down to watch the delightful quiver. Heat coiled tightly in Cordelia’s gut as she lay strewn across Misty’s upper legs.

The first hard slap across her ass came without forewarning. Even so, Cordelia managed to keep from jumping and cry, “One.” Her eyes squeezed shut as the familiar warmth of arousal washed over her. It hurt, of course, but behind all the pain was that ever so extravagant inkling of love.

“That was for not opening my letter.”

Another smack. “Two.”

“That was for not calling or emailing me.”

Cordelia opened her mouth to reply when three rapid succession slaps were brought down upon her backside. “And those are for the women you brought home that weren’t me.”

“They didn’t mean anything. I thought about you the whole time,” she gasped, dropping her head down to wail in grief, contentment, and sheer fulfillment. She chased the intoxicating pain mixed with pleasure, arching her lower back so that Misty had full access to dole out whatever amount she deemed necessary.

Another spank. “Six.”

“For comparing my leaving you to your mother.”

After another four slaps, each backed with good reason from the younger blonde. By the time Misty is sufficiently pleased, Cordelia had been reduced to a boneless mess. Just the way she had been craving. Quick to soothe the marred skin, Misty huskily whispered, “You did perfect.”

Then with utter fascination, “You’re dripping all over me.”

Cordelia twisted her neck muscles to get a good look at what Misty had created, straining to take in the redness covering her ass. Misty cupped the back of her neck with a delicate palm, staring into Cordelia’s eyes. With all the love in the world, she asked, “Are you okay?”

She nodded assuredly, dropping back down with a groan as Misty’s fingertips danced through slick wetness and pushed inside with ease. Misty had been right, she _was_ dripping. Cordelia would have been embarrassed at how needy she was if Misty didn’t immediately begin thrusting, pulling small yearning noises and sharp cries from the woman in her lap.

Misty was coaxing her fingertips over that pad of skin that drove Cordelia to the brink of insanity, pushing at her willpower until she caved and cried, “Misty, please. Please, _plea_ -”

The thumb that brushed once over her clit sent a deafening new wave of pleasure crashing through her body. Cordelia’s favorite thing about Misty, she decided right then, are her fingers. She’s seen them bring back people from the dead, stir a concoction using their shared recipes, touch her so softly it brought forth tears. Hearing the soft, wet sounds as they glide against her most sensitive area, Cordelia knew for certain that _yeah_ , they’re the best part of Misty.

When Misty’s thumb grew more urgent and rubbed over Cordelia’s bundle of nerves with broad, hurried strokes, she felt every single muscle in her body tense up.

Then she was coming hard, all over herself and Misty’s fingers that had yet to stop pounding. Cordelia twitched and thrashed through her orgasm, but Misty held her so gently through the waves that there was no mistaking the fact that it was love. Shushing her, the younger blonde eased Cordelia over on her back and cradled her in supporting arms. For several minutes, Misty held her to her chest and rocked them softly back forth.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m only alright when you’re here,” Cordelia admitted out loud for the first time. To prove it, she extracted from Misty’s embrace and stood between her legs to press her down gently atop the comforter. Misty looked up, a criminally alluring grin ghosting across her features. With quick movements, Cordelia had her stripped of her shirt and underwear; leaving her gloriously naked.

Wrenching her eyes away from the valley of milky white skin between breasts that she had missed so _very_ much, Cordelia took a step back and flipped Misty over on her stomach. The swamp witch gasped at the feeling of silk brushing up against her pebbled nipples as she clutched desperately at bedsheets.

“ _Cordelia_.”

Without pause, Cordelia dropped down on two knees and hovered before Misty’s naked body as if a worshipper in a beautiful church. Misty merely spread her thighs apart like an offering, letting Cordelia put her mouth there in payment.

She licked a slow line up from Misty’s clit to her center, swirling her tongue there before dipping it inside warm walls. Cordelia heard Misty sigh in relief, then groan as she flicked her tongue back and forth. Inhaling as if she’d been a prisoner on death row and this was her last meal, Cordelia felt at peace for what felt like the first time in years.

Burying her face deeper into the abundant supply of wetness that she couldn’t wait to taste, she murmured a muffled, “God, you don’t know how much I missed this. How much I missed you.”

“Cordelia?”

A languid lick. “Yes?”

“Stop talking and prove it to me.”

And how could she refuse that when Misty is so, _so_ wet for her?

Intent now much stronger, Cordelia stopped teasing and began swirling her tongue over Misty’s clit until the woman on her stomach was trembling and trying desperately to stop from crying out. Cordelia didn’t want her to hold back moans, she wanted Misty to let out every sweet sound that had been pent up for the last six months until her voice grew rough and gritty and _hoarse_. It was almost too much, having Misty back in her bed like this.

Nuzzling her nose into the wet skin, Cordelia brushed her lips over Misty’s clit and sucked it, unrelenting and untamed. The muscles in Misty’s stomach clenched as she fought back the urge to push backwards and feel every part of Cordelia’s face between her legs. In seconds she was nearly sobbing, grappling for sanity and more of- whatever pattern the supreme had been flicking her tongue in. Before Misty could even ground out that she was coming, it was happening. Her body went rigid with pleasure for one beautifully long second before snapping back down onto the sheets where she lay gasping for air in her lungs. Cordelia stayed on her knees for Misty, softly lapping up wetness until the latter reached behind and pulled her up.

Joints cracking with the effort, the older of the two stood and flipped Misty back over before crawling up the head of their bed. Misty kissed her, tasting herself by licking up the shine that covered Cordelia’s chin and nose. Humming contentedly, she pulled them into a spooning position. Misty was good at this, knowing exactly what Cordelia needed. She knew Cordelia put on a front of dominance for supreme purposes, but behind closed doors and especially after sex, all she wanted was for someone to hold her. With the way Cordelia scooted backwards and melted into her body, Misty was positive no one important had held her since she herself had left all those months ago.

Tucking a lock of Cordelia’s hair behind her ear, the younger blonde whispered, “Are you okay?”

“You keep asking me that.”

“Because I know you’re not.”

 _Touché_. “No, but I’m okay now. With you.” The sensation in her gut twisted as she continued, asking what had been on her mind. “When are you leaving again?”

Misty almost pulled back, if only Cordelia hadn’t clutched onto her arms like she’d float away if let go. “Delia,” she said tenderly, “I came home for you. I’m not going anywhere.”

A sob wrecked both of their bodies. “I can’t ask you to stay for me, I know you’re needed in other places.”

“The shelter, you mean? Baby, there’s shelters right here in our big, beautiful city. I can still give myself peace of mind by helpin’ out locally.”

“I don’t want to be selfish with you. If you need to leave, I know it’s for good reason.”

“You had everybody worried, honeybee. Zoe and Queenie told me how great you’re doin’ as a leader but you’ve been neglecting yourself. It’s time for me to come home, end of story. You and I work best as a pair anyway.”

 _There she goes again_ , Cordelia thought, _knowing just the right thing to say_. It would be annoying, almost, that Misty knew Cordelia better than the back of her hand if it didn’t feel so worshipful and loving. The supreme knew with unwavering certainty now that Misty had and will always have Cordelia’s best interests at heart. And right now, the only interest located in her heart happened to be right here in her bed.

“Misty?”

“Yes, baby.”

“Thank you for coming home, I love you.”

“You are my home, I will always come back to it.”

**Author's Note:**

> it's all [alyx's](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18183764/chapters/43010045) ideas and i'm just writing them. everyone say thank you [ix](https://dirtyrippedjeans.tumblr.com/) for reading and supporting my writing lit rally every day!!!!
> 
> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonmotels1) i'll likely follow back:)


End file.
